Where have all the Mom & Pop businesses gone? I grew up in
one. Well, sort of. My father was in the restaurant business
with his cousin and their wives took turns at the cash register.
It just depended on who would be closing on any particular
night as to which wife you would find answering the phone
and making change. When it was my mother's turn, the change
that she would handle got a thorough examination as to its
relative value (numismatically speaking) and she wound up
collecting buckets of silver quarters at the time when our
treasury decided to go to the more practical alloy of today.
My cousin's wife didn't involve herself in such matters. We
were lucky if the change got separated before it went into
the drawer. And let's not even talk about her inability to
face the paper money (a habit that drove the other owner's
wife, my mother, insane). But this was an old-fashioned business,
a simple deli, where we knew almost all of the customers by
first name and the tasks performed by the spouse at the front
of the house were the most basic and mundane.
Whenever my folks would take a break to have a meal, they
wouldn't expect to be waited on by the staff. They were the
owners. They knew where everything was and they considered
themselves equal co-workers of their employees. They wouldn't
dream of finishing their meal and then leaving the plates
for the staff to clear. But I've worked for husband-wife teams
who do that very thing. Unfortunately this creates some very
negative feelings from the staff towards their employer/co-worker.
It's a small thing, but it can loom large if the waiters feel
dissed. Of course, should you take a night off and want to
entertain in your restaurant, that's another matter. You become
the guest and are entitled to all the attention of every other
guest. But when you and your spouse are in the restaurant
as part of the team, then it's important to contribute your
energy to the communal effort of making the patrons feel welcome
and appreciated.
Today when partners in the restaurant are also partners in
life, they are taking a greater risk on both fronts. Restaurants
have the highest failure rate of all small businesses and
divorces are easier to get than ever. So should you decide
that you would like to have your spouse in the front while
you toil away in the back then be sure they aren't undermining
your ideals. I have seen spouses treat the staff as if they
were the personal servants of the owners with an unreasonable
demand such as baby-sitting for the couple's children when
other arrangements might have kept them out of the restaurant.
And woe to the server who might indicate that this wasn't
what they were hired to do and then say, "No." Or the spouse
who thinks they have just the perfect sense of what music
should be endured by patrons and staff to create the ambiance.
(Never mind that your spouse has a fondness for Polkas and
the restaurant is serving Asian-French fusion cuisine.) How
about the spouse who includes themselves in the daily operations
for the sole purpose of keeping an eye on the other or they
feel lonely at home by themselves? You need to realize that
there is a difference between family and business. If you
can incorporate your family into the business in a positive
way that adds to the energy of the room, then "Bravo." But
if having your spouse around is just a way for you to spend
more time together, then you need to address exactly how they
can be a positive influence on your team.
You should know that if your waiters are unhappy about your
spouses' involvement they won't say anything to you directly
for fear of their jobs. After all, your significant other
is the one who is up front. If he/she says that this server
isn't cutting the mustard then who are you going to listen
to? I think we both know the answer to that question.
Amy Sunshine's first job in a restaurant was washing the
glasses in her father's Kosher deli. Currently she is a waiter
at The Dining Room of the Ritz-Carlton. Please direct any
questions or comments to [email protected]